Patrick J. Heck

Mom was a “diet coke mom” growing up. We didn’t really keep soda in the house, save for diet coke. And sometimes Fresca. To this day diet coke is the only soda I’ll drink—except, if you put a splash of coconut creamer in Dr. Pepper, I’ll probably indulge.

Diet coke is dry like a good wine is. It puts a scrunch in my mouth. The best way to drink something scrunchy is to pair it with something rich. It’s a combination that screams decadence.

Rich, decadent? Sounds like brie to me.

(Here’s an interlude where I’ll say the best pairing is actually a triple creme, like Saint Angel. But “diet coke and a bite of triple creme” doesn’t have the same ring to it.)

My first experience with charcuterie is a common one. Put yourself in the shoes of an elementary school kid being dragged to his mom’s work party. Now picture what the food looks like. Thick cut salami, pressure washed carrots, mushy grapes, and cubes of cheese, right? Right. That’s what I thought cheese boards were growing up.

Sometime in college my perception changed. The cheese was still cubed and the carrots still slightly slimy, but the grapes were green. Crunchy. Excellent. Unsurprisingly, this is where I discovered I’m allergic to grapes. (Don’t worry. It’s more like a food sensitivity than a proper allergy.)

Years went by. My tastes in cheese evolved. I worked for an organic co-op for a bit and bonded with the cheesemonger, even learned a thing or two. Next thing I knew, I had Opinions On Cheese. I was drizzling honey on Manchego and adding cheddar to my apple pie and ordering dark beers to enhance Mimolette. Nothing crazy in the cheese world, but luxurious enough to hurt my wallet. Good cheese ain’t cheap.

My then-boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in together halfway through 2019. Something funny happens when you live with the person you’re dating and a global pandemic sweeps through. You go on a lot less dates. Things can start to feel pretty unromantic when you’re stuck inside 700sqft with two cats and a puppy you adopted three months before everything shut down.

You know what does feel romantic?

That’s right. Meat and cheese.

(Or maybe that’s just me.)

I made my first charcuterie board in the early days of lockdown and I’ve been making them ever since. I like experimenting with themes, colors, new ingredients, and unique cheeses, but I also have my go-tos. There’s usually chèvre. A brie or a triple creme. Something aged and crunchy, like a gouda or cheddar. One weird flavor—last time it was espresso BellaVitano. Green grapes, blackberries, a red fruit. Marcona almonds. Citrus if I can swing it. Pepper jam, the spicier the better.

And of course, I love to pair it with a cold diet coke.

“But Patrick, isn’t charcuterie about the meat?”

Sure, I love a good salami. Or speck. God, I love speck. I’m just a cheese guy at my core. Meat goes on my cheeseboards for my iron deficiency, and to add a salty little bite.

Going forward, I plan to make a post each time I make a board. I’ll break down my thoughts and pairings. Also, more than likely, this section will be about food in general. My husband bakes a lot. I like to write about it. Here’s some cookies he made recently.